I don’t know if this is me or you… but I know, you’ve told me a million times: you’re not sad. I just assume you are. It feels like we go through week phases where you trust me and where you don’t. Weeks where I’m allowed to comment on your job and ask about your homework, and weeks where you don’t answer my phone calls. But why does that define a relationship to me? I don’t know, it doesnt really, cause I know that we don’t have a relationship, we just care about eachother and express that sometimes when it’s convenient.  Cause I know in my heart its impossible to have a relationship when one person is delusional, me. That’s why I’ve realized that this excerpt is about me. I’m a sad person because I have low expectations for happiness.

I let you throw me around like this, then silently at 2:30 am in the morning cry it all out to myself, knowing good well that without your good night reassurance that you still temporarily believe in our ‘relationship’ that it will be that much harder for me to put on this happy face tomorrow. From that point, my low expectations kick in - I smile at the smallest things that happen to me in the day just so I just dont literally want to jump over board, and I dont know if thats good or bad, I just know my chest hurts right now, and half the time I just dont want   I have no other friends that I trust, and a family that doesnt know me. Life is worst for others, and I know I’m being selifsh right now … I’m just always looking for your companionship, that companionship that I get every other week when you are here. Remember.. those times… when I listen to your same problems and you listen to the same things that I say about the world. …